#whyIstayed
Why? All of the above.
Thing is, even after all this time emotionally I believe I deserve it because I have no value . I know intellectually that is not true, but I have no experiences that emotionally tell me otherwise. Now I am just to old to experience anything different.
I understand how you can feel this way from all the experiences you have had with men, your child, and the idiot world around you. I can only say that I had the same inferior self worth in my life at different times. My first marriage was a disaster and my daughter now just ignores me. I have always had a difficult time with the female sex in the idiot world around me, which has left me alone now in my old age. Intimacy is gone and now I just don't care.
ReplyDeleteI know in your case you suffered more abuse than I in your adult life. I was abused when I was a kid growing up by both my overbearing father and my mental mother, which I quickly dealt with by leaving at 17 years of age. For people like you and I who are resourceful, very individual, a survivalist, and beautiful, there is little out there for us short of meeting another like ourselves, and then when we do, there are too many miles between you and the other person.
Life is what it is, but always know, if I could, I would live near you, find a way to see you and get to know that which is you on a much more deeper level. But alas, we missed our chance...
Thank you. You are the one person tgat takes that pain away.
ReplyDelete