Oh Well....

Oh well...so much for my little glimmer of housing / studio hope. The one thing I have learned about being homeless is that I will always be homeless. There is no end. Period. I found this place. Small two story old stone church, 150+ years old...electric, no water, no heat...but both easy solutions. Small unincorporated town, bout an hour from where I currently am. Cheap. Only 55k. Even renting would be less than I currently pay in storage + a small art studio. It would have been fairly rustic living, nothing new given my current situation... but oh well. I do not need a place to live. It was a selfish idea.

What I really need to do in life is really get ready for death. I have nothing left to live "for". Nothing out there I dream of doing, no one / no place that needs me around. I am the continual 3rd wheel people just tolerate. My family has reminded me for years that no one "planned" on me living this long. Pretty much everyone /everything would benefit by my not being about. No worries. I am way too much of a wuss to take myself out. I am still planning on being 92, though reality is more like maybe 65. In one form or other I have already lost everyone important to me. Time to step back.

I will be stepping further into the greyness. Seeing how much less I can do and consume. Doing nothing other than work. No arts crap, no new selfish projects (like this building would have been), no entertainment and trying more & more to be less and live on less.

I will keep posting photos here. And probably keep the artificial plastic me that is expected these days online. But know that person is all a lie. I think I am glad I had that long drive, it provided time to clearly focus on reality. Time to get ready for "Winter" on every level. Time to let go and move on.