Harsh month...and it is not even the middle.
Rudy Cat is dying. I do not expect him to make it through the weekend.
My son was here for a week. (The only time I have seen him in a year.) He was violent, belligerent and abusive. He had also been set up, (by his father), to believe I have a long and documented history of mental illness. (Which I do not, but no one is willing to believe or prove.) He threw major teenage temper tantrums when he did not get his way, called his father, whom agreed he did not have to stay with the "mentally ill woman" and gave him a ticket back. Because he left after only a week, it has been deemed by my husband, (and his lawyer sister), that I am too "out of control" and therefore never get to see my son again. My heart is broken.
My 10 year old car is breaking down and I have no one, (male), to help me argue with mechanics. I just put $350 of repairs into it and the problem, (radiator overheating), is the same as when I drove it on to their lot. I may have to learn to do without a car because I cannot afford the repairs. Ugh. Not good, because that means I will also not be able to get to work.
I have been talking with heart doctors. The outlook is not good. I apparently need to have open heart surgery again. For now I am just talking and doing their stupid tests, (including a colonoscopy), to start getting ready for the surgery sometime in the near future. I am not so sure about this. Gee have surgery to prolong my life? I mean seriously, I can never retire, I no longer have a son, I have no place to really live and there is no one that wants me anywhere, let alone someone who actually loves me. Ugh. I am not sure that a disposable person like me, that is a burden to others, needs to be around, let alone around longer.
And the studio move? Going suck. All the hands that offered help went away when they found out they did not get their own way. Some just wanted to go through my stuff and keep what they wanted. Others brought to stuff store here because I have a big studio space and thought they could use it for free. Dumb asses seemed to think that because I am homeless, I must be just getting rid of everything and they could benefit with free stuff or free storage. They were all angry when I asked how they interpreted "moving" as such and claimed I obviously did not want help. (It was generally thought they would be doing me a HUGE favor if they took stuff or let them put crap here.) I hate stupid people. Obviously I do not have any real friends.
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ReplyDeleteI do sympathize with the family issues, I have gone through some of those and have never had any "real" family. I have had to write them all off for the selfish hurtful people they are. I am so sorry to hear that your cat is dying, that is certainly a hurtful experience, I know what he means to you. I have plans to look for a young female cat soon, strictly indoors. You need to forget about your son and leave it up to him weather he thinks he has a mother, it is not worth your mental and physical health to be dragged down by his selfish and violent self.
ReplyDeleteThe heart problem is just what it is, you have a history of it and so you need to do what the doctors say for you to do and that includes the surgery. Cars are what they are, they always need attention. I just spent last month $600 on the van I have for ridiculous stuff that should not cost that much. I gave this guy so much negative energy after it was done, that he "gets" it now.
Your studio move is what it is, usually done by you and you only. That is how moves are done. Every time I have ever moved except one, I did it myself and the one exception is where I paid someone. People except "real" friends do not care, you are on your own unless you have a bank roll. So you say you have no "real" friends, and no one "loves" you. Well, I suppose I know what that is like. I don't hear from you and you do not hear from me, so I guess I get it. I am here and you are there, so why should we have any interaction anyway. For what it may be, here are *hugs* from me. I am sad to see how life is for you, you deserve better.